"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. "
"I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. "
"I’m in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. "
"Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. "
"Whatever you do, good or bad, people will always have something negative to say. "
"Integrity is doing the right thing, even if nobody is watching. "
"I have a new hairstyle today, it’s called ‘I tried.’ "
"The ballot is stronger than the bullet. "
"In politics you must always keep running with the pack. The moment that you falter and they sense that you are injured, the rest will turn on you like wolves. "
"I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. "
"*this "
"Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own. "
"Stress is caused by being ‘here' but wanting to be ‘there. "
"I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does. "
"The patriot volunteer, fighting for our country and his rights, makes the most reliable soldier on earth. "
"I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. He’s dreaming too. "
"When a toxic person doesn't get his or her way, their next gambit is often to make your motives sound sinister. "
"You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. "
"To everyone battling a difficulty or under attack right now, smile, keep your head up, keep moving and stay positive, you'll get through it. "
"I love my job only when I’m on vacation. "
"What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? It gets toad away. "
"It is better to have your head in the clouds, and know where you are... than to breathe the clearer atmosphere below them, and think that you are in paradise. "
"When you make up your mind about something, nothing stands in your way. "
"Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything. "
"The greatest patriotism is to tell your country when it is behaving dishonorably, foolishly, viciously. "
"Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words. "
"The most mischievous liars are those who keep on the verge of truth. "
"Today I was a hero. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. "
"You have a great sense of humor. "
"A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. "