"Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. "
"Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop. "
"The men the American people admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth. "
"If you're reading this blog post, you're someone with a kind heart. So we thought you'd enjoy this short video about how to blast your stress with kindness (especially on those rough days). "
"There's nothing more uncertain than the life of a man like me. You're so young and so beautiful, and you will be for a long time to come. Remember, no matter what happens, I want you to promise you'll keep your chin up. "
"I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making. "
"I never apologize. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am. "
"You have a good head on your shoulders. "
"Politics is like waking up in the morning. You never know whose head you will find on the pillow. "
"Remember: Don’t Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. "
"Political correctness represents the fossilized institutionalization of once-vital revolutionary ideas, which have become mere rote formulas. It is repressively Stalinist, dependent on a labyrinthine, parasitic bureaucracy to enforce its empty dictates. "
"Where there is a "will," there are 500 relatives. "
"Colors seem brighter when you're around. "
"Honolulu, it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother. – Ken Dodd "
"You are already of consequence in the world if you are known as a man of strict integrity. "
"I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake. "
"Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. "
"Art doesn’t transform. It just plain forms. – Roy Lichtenstein "
"Negative people need drama like oxygen. Stay positve, it will take their breath away. "
"You're a candle in the darkness. "
"Politics is for the present, but an equation is for eternity. "
"It doesn’t matter who you are, where you come from. The ability to triumph begins with you. Always. "
"In the real world, I have to wake up, go to my stupid job, and barely get by. Good thing all these celebs and politicians and journalists get to make money by pumping out this filfth. "
"Forget about all the reasons why something may not work. You only need to find one good reason why it will. "
"Politician is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary. "
"He who permits himself to tell a lie once, finds it much easier to do it the second time. "
"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. "
"Political correctness sometimes does great work when it helps equalize the playing field when it comes to language, but it does a great disservice when it tries to silence a person of color. "
"I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. "