"Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s okay, he woke up. "
"Keep your face to the sunshine and you can never see the shadow "
"There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. "
"The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. "
"Toxic people aren't just difficult people. They're not "unsaved" people. They're not merely unpleasant people. The toxic people we're talking about are the kind of people who are basically taking you down and destroying your mission. "
"You're not to be so blind with patriotism that you can't face reality. Wrong is wrong, no matter who does it or says it. "
"Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing. "
"I have Alzheimer’s bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. – Cindy from Marzahn "
"It is better to have your head in the clouds, and know where you are... than to breathe the clearer atmosphere below them, and think that you are in paradise. "
"[Z-Ro] Cause everything's going to be alright "
"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart. "
"Life goes on, the ending's the starting line / Chin up, press on, you will survive / Young love that lasts is hard to find / So chin up, press on, you will survive "
"Man who goes to bed with an itchy butt . . . wakes up with a stinky finger! "
"My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. – Rodney Dangerfield "
"I’m going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I’m outstanding. "
"FAKE news!!! "
"Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car. "
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. —Mark Twain "
"I bet you do the crossword puzzle in ink. "
"How do trees access the internet? They log in. "
"Well-behaved women rarely make history. "
"It takes someone strong to leave with their head held high. It takes someone stronger to stay with their head held higher. "
"Integrity is a lifestyle characterized by the indwelling of God's word. "
"Every smile that you fake, when denying / Baby, I know when you're lying / And baby I don't buy it "
"The only journey is the one within. "
"You never run out of things that can go wrong. – Edward A. Murphy "
"The greatness of a nation can be judged by the way its animals are treated. "
"Don’t ever stray from yourself, in order to be close to someone that doesn’t have the courtesy to remind you of your worth, or the integrity of a gentleman to walk you home. "
"Integrity has no sliding scale. You either have it or you don't. "